Fuckin’ A!

Fuckin’ A!

I did it again.

I allowed myself to enjoy your company. I allowed you to wrap your arms around me.

I let your lips kiss my forehead. I let your heartbeat race against my body.

Why did you let this happen? Did you not know this effect you had on me?

We were just living in the moment, so why couldn’t those feelings just stay in that moment?

Why did they follow me home?

Now I have to put distance between us, again. Does “again” have to mean “forever” this time?

Fuckin’ A,                                                I hope not.



I wonder how you’ve lived during this time apart.

Did you rise through every challenge life threw at you?

Were there any woman who stood a chance at breaking into your heart?

I stare at you and it’s clear that you grew.

But I’ve always known, even from the start

that  staring  at you is like gazing at a piece of art.

I could see what the entire world knew,

but I wanted to know more than the view.

Two years apart

and you still have a place in my heart.

I still have those “what if” thoughts about you.

What if this could have been more than a screw?

Now here we are again, apart.

I leave with the same feelings in my heart.

But, truly, thank you.

You probably never knew,

that pieces of you helped me change my view.

I hope you continue to grow.

Maybe one day we’ll know…

…what if?…

Thank You For The Lessons

Thank You For The Lessons

To you.
Yeah, you!
The tall, slender figure holding my heart.

My body is frozen as my eyes watch you squeeze.
Harder and harder.
I cannot stop you.

Do I even want to?
What will happen if I do?

You disappear, leaving me here to pick up the pieces…alone.

My voice explodes into the pillow.
Once perfectly white sheets are now covered with black lines.

Will my eyes ever be dry?

My mind slips into an alternate reality as the sun goes down.

My eyes open with the rising sun, but my soul remains asleep.


Weeks have passed.
Another sunrise wakes me, but not only my eyes this time.

This time I’m open.
To my future.
To my goals.
To my self.

All without you.



I’m standing in front of you.

I was hoping that you grew

But that you was nothing but a tall tale.

You would’ve been number three,

But nothing about you grew.

That had me looking at pale.

An Aching Hunger

An Aching Hunger

Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.

I scan my surroundings for an answer to this noise.
Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.

There’s nothing in sight that would put my curiosity to rest.

Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.

My legs begin to feel weak, as my hands begin to shake.

As I lookout to the street, this all becomes clear.

It’s you, standing there.

Too far away to touch,

But close enough to make my heart pound against my chest.

Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.

And close enough to fill my body with an aching hunger.

As you walk closer to me, I must remind myself

“I cannot. 

I will not. 

We should not.”

The Stare

The Stare

My eyes sway to the left, so they may catch a glimpse of the comfort in your soul.

Paused is this moment in time; for just a few seconds I am able to see right into you.

Sitting still,
silence filling the room with our wordless conversations.

You have taken over my thoughts – have I made it into yours?

Tonight I stare with the desire to know more;
know who you are,
know who you think I am,
and know where we are.

My eyes shoot forward, being kicked back into reality.



– 75 beats per minute –

6:47 AM: the sun rises as my feet drop down onto the carpet.

7:50 AM: volume reads “max” as I pull out of my driveway.

9:00 AM: an enthusiastic “hello!” echoes through the room as I’m approached by my target.

. . . . . . . . .

5:15 PM: volume reads “max” as I pull away from the labor of my day.

5:18 PM: lyrics touch me in a way that’s almost karmic.

Time no longer exists.
Every sound, every feel, every sense, stuck in a world of grey.

And then there’s you.

– 115 beats per minute –

7:06 PM: my eyes glued to your words as if they need to be guarded.

7:16 PM: all of my attention on the 4 inch display, just waiting for you to play.

9:45 PM: no words. no symbols. no activity. Just as you’ve done to my heart, I’ve done to these feelings of today, discarded.

– 60 beats per minute –