I did it again.
I allowed myself to enjoy your company. I allowed you to wrap your arms around me.
I let your lips kiss my forehead. I let your heartbeat race against my body.
Why did you let this happen? Did you not know this effect you had on me?
We were just living in the moment, so why couldn’t those feelings just stay in that moment?
Why did they follow me home?
Now I have to put distance between us, again. Does “again” have to mean “forever” this time?
Fuckin’ A, I hope not.
The tall, slender figure holding my heart.
My body is frozen as my eyes watch you squeeze.
Harder and harder.
I cannot stop you.
Do I even want to?
What will happen if I do?
You disappear, leaving me here to pick up the pieces…alone.
My voice explodes into the pillow.
Once perfectly white sheets are now covered with black lines.
Will my eyes ever be dry?
My mind slips into an alternate reality as the sun goes down.
My eyes open with the rising sun, but my soul remains asleep.
Weeks have passed.
Another sunrise wakes me, but not only my eyes this time.
This time I’m open.
To my future.
To my goals.
To my self.
All without you.
I’m standing in front of you.
I was hoping that you grew
But that you was nothing but a tall tale.
You would’ve been number three,
But nothing about you grew.
That had me looking at pale.
And tonight I’ll leave you behind.
Hold, not onto the sorrow,
But onto the beauty of the times we shared.
I’ll remember the long, hot days under the sun –
The identities we created with various adventures,
faces plastered with concealer,
and made up names to tell to the curious strangers.
I’ll remember the dark days, but choose to live in the bright
moments that brought us heart to heart.
Remember me, not for the hole in your heart,
But for the love you felt, even if it were temporary.
For I’ll remember you, and us, and this place.